The Pursuit of Reality, by Stuart Baker-Brown
Written by admin2 on June 16th, 2007Filed under: Regular Contributors, Stuart Baker-Brown
The Pursuit of Reality
by Stuart Baker-Brown
One of the many symptoms of schizophrenia is the symptom of delusion. Over the years since my own diagnosis of schizophrenia, I have experienced many strange things which have led me to question-what is a delusion, and why should experiences I believe to be real be written off as “delusional” by others?
Indeed, I have experienced many strange things with schizophrenia. These experiences have included possible contact from other consciousnesses, as well as strange visions and energies. I have on one occasion walked along a street in London and experienced shops changing shape and taking the form of (what can only be described as) how they may have looked in past time. It only happened for some seconds, but, to me, for those few seconds it was a form of reality.
Because of my diagnosis, these experiences are easily written off as delusional, and dismissed as a symptom of schizophrenia. This may be correct—I do have schizophrenia, and delusion can be a strong symptom of my illness—but does that make ALL my different experiences untrue?
I do continuously question myself and forever question my delusions. I question my own consciousness and my own reality, my own existence and its purpose. With regard to my consciousness, my answer is that my consciousness makes me aware of my own position and reality, in relation to my own existence. And what of reality? To me reality is an individual perception, an individual experience of one’s own position in one’s own time and space.
As for my own existence and purpose…I don’t know.
So, where reality is concerned, the conclusion is that my reality is my reality, as each and every one of us has our own life and our own experience of that life. As individuals, we are unique and our experience and perception of life is anomalous. (Although in many ways we are all one and the same.)
Is it at all possible that some of my delusions are “real” in any way, shape or form? To me, yes, they are real (or were real at the time of existence). I believe that some of my unusual experiences are not simply symptoms of schizophrenia. Or if they are a symptom of schizophrenia, then they may not be a “simple delusion” as others suggest!
I protest against how easily my own beliefs and experiences are dismissed as irrational or false by others who haven’t shared the same experiences as me, or who just think I am delusional because of my diagnosis.
To me, a delusion is an experience/perception which has always held an element of truth behind it. I believe that most of my so-called “delusions” should be treated as a form of reality, as they were to me at that time, and should not be written off as a false belief by the likes of psychiatry.
My own experiences are my own experiences, and this should be accepted by all, just as I accept that others have their own individual experiences and perceptions of their own lives.
I will finish by saying that we all see the world from our own angles and perspectives. Maybe it’s about time we truly widened our eyes and looked at things with far more vision. If this was to be achieved, then I believe it would open up a far greater understanding of the mind and its fantastic capabilities.
All the best to you, whoever you are and whatever you believe.
Stuart Baker-Brown is a prolific writer, a world-traveler, and an award-winning photographer. He dreams of becoming the first person with schizophrenia to ascend Mount Everest.
