Why Ascend Everest, by Stuart Baker-Brown

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Why Ascend Everest – Stuart’s Story
by Stuart Baker-Brown

Stuart’s First Trek
On 22nd October 2003 I left the UK for Nepal to start a four and a half-week trek to Everest Base Camp. I had secured £7,000 funding from the Winston Churchill Memorial Trust after being awarded a Travel Fellowship with the purpose of highlighting mental illness and showing it in a more positive light. When I first began to dream of the possibility of trekking to Everest I weighed 162 kg (356 lbs), after putting on a massive amount of weight due to unsuitable medication. It had always been a dream for me to see Everest. One day when life was brighter I felt well enough to try and succeed with my dream and decided to combine the dream with the desire to help show fellow sufferers and the public that great goals can be achieved whilst living and coping with a severe mental illness such as Schizophrenia. 

The physical and mental preparation for the trek was a great task in itself. On many occasions I wanted to cry because of my paranoia and the difficulty of getting fit. Often when walking around the countryside I had to battle with the feeling that I was going to be abducted by aliens. Often I would feel panicked just because the wind blew amongst the leaves of a tree. But I taught myself to cope with my paranoia and over time began to feel safe. 

The Schizophrenia 
In 1996 I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. At that time my life consisted of sitting on the sofa wishing that Angels would come from heaven and take me away. I would spend my days trying to travel in time, focusing on both the future and the past, trying to pick up positive messages that would help me to cope with and get through the pain and confusion that Schizophrenia throws at the sufferer on a daily basis. 

I knew that I could not go on feeling the way I did. I knew when it came to the crunch that I was the only one who could truly do something about my life. My illness was destroying me. I chose to fight and change my life. My fight was aided by two lucky breaks in 2001. The first was meeting a carer, Paul Brown, who worked for Dorchester Rethink. Paul helped me to cope with my illness and spent time talking with me about my Schizophrenia and slowly reintroducing me back to society. Without the encouragement from Paul and the Rethink one-to-one service, I would not have been able to succeed with my future goals. Second was finding a medication, Seroquel, that suited me. 

A Goal Reached 
On 10th November 2003 I succeeded in reaching my ultimate goal of arriving at Base Camp, marking the focal point of my trek and what I hoped would be a turning point in my life. 

The trek was very difficult, I was ill with Mountain Sickness and my size was working against me but I was very focused on reaching my goal. I kept on telling myself that the trek was symbolic of my life with Schizophrenia and that’s why it was so hard, it couldn’t be any different, it had to be that way. 

A Break from UK Life 
Nepal is a lovely country. I felt at home there and safe amongst the mountains. The Buddhist attitude helped me to feel myself and un-judged by its society. I still experienced delusions in Nepal but the images I saw within my mind were a lot calmer than the often hectic and forceful images experienced in the UK. I felt unthreatened and managed to watch as Buddhist and Hindu images floated around in my mind. This reinforced my personal belief that my Schizophrenia is fuelled by stresses and expectations of modern UK life. 

I traveled with a colleague and our Sherpa guide from ‘Lukla’ at 2800m through to ‘Namche’ at 3500m. We then trekked up towards ‘Thame’, visiting the Buddhist Monastery. The Monastery was established around 320 years ago. I was privileged to be able to sit amongst a Buddhist Meditation Ceremony. The chanting was wonderful as was the gentle beating of the drums. I cannot explain the honour felt by myself being able to witness this ceremony. It was as though I managed to feel a bit of the belief that these people have and the wisdom and depth of understanding of life and its meaning, as though I was allowed to touch it for a moment. 

One of the other memorable moments for me was the experience I had with two Sherpa children en route back to Lukla. As I was sitting in a lodge writing my diary, two young children watched as I wrote and then the boy came and sat next to me and took hold of my pen and started to doodle. I joined in and we both doodled as we talked. The older girl then came and watched to see what we were doing. It was so nice, to be approached without any fear or discrimination. I felt that they were experiencing my true self, the self that is beyond my label of Schizophrenic. I was, for a rare moment in life, being treated for the person I am and was approached with confidence and comfort by these kids who knew nothing about my label. It was just a nice, happy and warm situation that I will remember. It was my moment, away from my past, away from my CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) and his shackles, away from the discrimination and the insecurities of life. It was my moment of being me and I felt that it was a moment when some members of the Human Race felt secure enough to approach me as someone who was warm and approachable and not as a Schizophrenic who may be dangerous and could potentially harm. 

November 19th and we flew back into Kathmandu. I was sad that my trek had ended but looked forward to getting back to the UK. There were many great memories in the Himalayas and amazing sights. I will always remember the sunsets on Everest, the hospitality of the Sherpa People and the 500 year old Yeti Skull shown to me at Khumjung. 

Inspiration 
The whole event, from the training to reaching Base Camp, was extremely important to me. Finding a positive and worthwhile goal in my life and finding a positive structure has helped my illness immensely and helped me to feel that I have some worth in a society which too easily discriminates against severe mental illness, especially that of Schizophrenia. 

The opportunity that was given to me and the success of my trek has helped to change my life. I have a very positive achievement that I can now focus on to help me with further goals and challenges in the future. I feel stronger and more positive. Not just by reaching Base Camp, but from the first steps taken by me, to the organisation and my fitness campaign, all has helped me to regain a life that I never really had. 

It’s very important for every sufferer of mental illness to find a positive structure and a goal in their life. We all need something to dream of and a reason to carry on, and it’s these things, which too often don’t exist in the life of a sufferer, that I want to help offer to the sufferer—a dream, a life-changing experience, a reason to carry on. 

To the sufferer—always know that there is a future and that you can reach it, in time. 

And finally, never give up 

Stuart Baker-Brown 

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Early footage from the still-in-production documentary A Tale of Two Mountains

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