At Middle School, by David Roche

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At Middle School

By David Roche

Marlena and I sit on folding chairs as kids spill into the gym. The noise level rises exponentially. I sit with my eyes closed so the students can stare at me.

Eighth graders get the privilege of sitting on the bleacher seats. The seventh and sixth graders sit in rows on the floor.

Two boys are by themselves, off against the gym wall, about 30 feet to our left. They look unhappy.

The assistant principal takes up the microphone. Nobody is looking, nobody pays attention. “Good afternoon, students!” he yells, and they respond. He does it again, more quietly, and they settle down. Teachers step into the crowd to shush a couple of noise pockets.

I am introduced and stand in front of the crowd. I pause for a couple of beats and begin: “I want you to stare at my face today.” They do so. A few grimace and turn away. I invite them to ask, “What happened to your face?” They shout in unison and are engrossed in my explanation.

They love physicality and humor, so my description of being a member of a gang consisting of Freddy Kreuger, the Beast, Frankenstein, Igor, the Phantom of the Opera and Quasimodo goes over well, especially when I finish with “and Michael Jackson,” and act out how my gang likes to play lurch tag while hanging out in the bushes at night.

I tell about how my parents supported me and how my grandmother (mi abuelita, my nana) reacted to the prayerful pose I learned from the nuns by jerking my chin up, up, up and yelling at me to keep it there and look people in the face. I act out her anger and it shocks them into silence.

Then comes the story of showing up, dressed as a clown, at a Halloween party that turns out to be my first boy-girl party, and the inevitable spin the bottle game which ends up in my being rejected by the cutest girl at Our Lady of Grace School.

All I do is tell stories and be as emotionally present as possible. I do indeed feel rejected as I kneel on the gym floor in my imaginary spin the bottle circle. A couple of times, students have come up to us afterwards and said, “Thanks for not telling us what to do.”

“Love at Second Sight” is all about appearance and acceptability, and that is also what their lives are about. They have to do math, but it is a secondary concern. They are trying to find their place in the world and much of it has to do with self image.

Next comes the story of how I sat on the couch with Carol, paralyzed with anxiety and self-doubt, wanting to kiss her but excruciatingly aware of having only one real lip. I finally do ask for a kiss and when she responds “I thought you would never ask,” a feminine “Aaaaw” arises. I look up and see a few boys staring wonderingly at the girls’ reaction.

They are a wonderful audience, reacting authentically to what we present. They are not yet practiced in being cool, in controlling their muscles of facial expression. They seem to radiate light.

I end by saying that my face is a gift because I have been forced to find my inner beauty, and how it has become a gift again in that I find I am able to see the beauty of others like them, that I know that I look different to them than when they first saw me. Some nod in assent. I say that they look different to me too, that I have seen the warmth in their eyes and their intelligence and that I want each them to hold their chin up and be proud of themselves.

I bring up Marlena and they look curiously as I put my arm around her.

“The first time I met David, I heard his voice before I saw his face.” Marlena shows how she walked away in shock when she first saw me.

Marlena’s is the true Love at Second Sight story of taking a longer deeper look, of looking for “the flash of gold” in another. It is all about how to relate to someone radically different and is the perfect counterpart to my story.

She asks, “Do you know how it is when you have a crush on someone?” and girls look knowingly at one another.

It is an afternoon assembly, the last period of the day, and the students are becoming restless. This can be like speaking to a big box of worms. But they are with Marlena when she describes her new awareness of how people like me can get stared at and affected by constant comments and pointing. This, too, is part of their lives and she acts it out well.

They become still again when Marlena tells the sickening feeling she had when Cheryl, her new best friend in high school asked: “Marlena, please don’t tell my parents that you are Jewish.”

She finishes by asking them to take a second look too. I rejoin her and the question and answer session begins. Some of the questions are asked most every time: “Did you tell Cheryl’s parents that you were Jewish?” “Does your face hurt?” “Do you have brothers and sisters?”

Boys tend to ask the more matter of fact, physically oriented questions: “Can you see ok out of your left eye?” “Did you play sports?”

The girls have other interests: “When did you get married?”

And always, some that surprise: “When did you first realize that you had inner beauty?” “If you could change your face by a special operation, would you do it?” When the latter question is asked, I look pensive and say, “Well, only if I could look like Britney Spears.” That gets a mixture of laughter and shock; I feel compelled to announce that I am kidding, that I would not want to give up what I have learned, that my face is a gift. But that I do wonder sometimes what it would be like to be normal. “Maybe I could have a six month trial period with a normal face?”

Then Marlena interjects, “Well, do you think he should change his face?”, knowing they always shout out, “No!”

Afterwards, we stand at the door of the gym to say goodbye. They pour past us; not everyone gets to shake hands. One boy returns to the gym door after having left. He looks tentative. He holds his hand out halfway. As I hold it, he flinches slightly. After he turns away, a teacher says, “That was amazing. Richard never lets anybody touch him.”

*Learn more: Watch a four-minute video about Love at Second Sight on DavidRoche.com.

David Roche is an inspirational humorist, motivational speaker and performer who has transformed the challenges and gifts of living with a facial disfigurement into a compelling message that uplifts and delights audiences around the world. David has been featured in four films, including Shameless, a 2006 feature-length documentary by Bonnie Sherr Klein. He has even performed at the White House! Now, with the publication of his first (critically-acclaimed) book, The Church of 80% Sincerity, he is also an author. Meet David at www.davidroche.com.

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