Nightwalker, by Estelle Hébert

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NIGHTWALKER: An essay about Restless Legs Syndrome

Written by Estelle Hébert

3 A.M.—I’m standing next to my bed, staring at my alarm clock. In less than 4 hours, my day begins. Bouncing up and down, I decide to change into sports clothes: t-shirt, shorts, and running shoes. I remind myself that it’ll be another long night, but the constant urge to move is beyond my control. My muscles feel like they are pulling, and lying down is not an option for me at this very moment. I hit the road, putting one leg in front of the other, sprinting like I’m running for my life. The comforting sensation in my legs is amazing: I feel relief! As I’m gasping for air, the escape from this uncontrollable “pulling” sensation keeps me going: 5 minutes go by… 10 minutes… 15 minutes… 20 minutes… 25 minutes… I tell myself I should perhaps turn around and make my way back home in an attempt to fall asleep once again.

I eventually crawl back into bed—wide awake—staring at the ceiling. Five minutes go by, and the pulling sensation returns. I quickly lose patience and get back up on my feet making my way into the kitchen. I twist open the cap of a 40 ounce amaretto bottle, pouring a few ounces of the sweet-smelling liquid in a glass. I gulp it down and turn towards the pile of dishes in the sink. After washing off a few plates and pans, I head back into bed. Eventually, my head feels rested. As my legs continue to twitch, my mind gets hazy and my body finally falls asleep. A few hours later, a new day begins: My alarm clock goes off, and I jump out of bed.

This “pulling” sensation in my legs has been diagnosed and is known as “Restless Legs Syndrome”—a neurological condition that is characterized by the irresistible urge to move the legs. It may affect other parts of the body as well: in my case, the RLS often affects my arms as well. So, how do I explain RLS? As much as I have been trying to describe the sensation into words, I have often failed to make anyone who isn’t a victim of this disorder understand the irritating and uncomfortable feeling this urge can bring upon me. Several people have asked me what I would do if I were to be strapped to a chair—shoot me. Long nights of insomnia like the one described above not only occur on a regular basis, but only amount to a fraction of RLS’ effects. I do not wish this upon my worst enemy.

LET THE CHAOS BEGIN

Many of my friends and family members never quite understood what I was experiencing every week, as I felt tons of energy flowing in my legs. To this day, they still don’t quite understand. It began in the summer of 2005, as I was working full-time in a metal factory during the school holidays.  Sitting down for an excessive amount of time on a Saturday or Sunday would result in jumping off the sofa to exercise more often: running, walking, rollerblading… all aimed at chasing the feeling in my legs away. At the time it never occurred to me that this could be a disorder. In fact, as my RLS gradually got more intense over the months, I simply thought that I was in shape and that the need to move was a “positive warning” as I had not been active enough because of the long hours working in the same position.

Enrolled in college for my Bachelor’s degree for the following Fall and Winter semesters, I could no longer tolerate long periods of sitting down during classes, and that in itself became a real pain. After a few hours of sitting, I was desperate to get out and move. Yet, my busy schedule with school would limit the amount of exercise I would get every day. Often, I would end up running in the middle of the night, and drinking a few ounces of alcohol to fall asleep. The winter would always be a huge challenge for me: with the snow and the cold, I was often stuck inside my home, walking around and trying to keep myself busy standing up on my feet.

As weeks and months passed, the impact of RLS on my lifestyle was gradually increasing. Insomnia became a weekly battle, my daily exercise routine lowered my body fat, bringing forth other symptoms and health problems such as ammorhea, hair loss, and renal problems. Yet, all of these health symptoms never came to my attention as a threat. By summer of 2006, I was running and training on a daily basis, thinking I was in perfect shape, and in total control of my health.

When I commented about my legs, my mother always thought I simply needed to relax. I was often told to try and release some stress by watching a movie instead of heading outside to run or rollerblade. Almost everyone who knew about my active lifestyle (as I would attempt to explain the waves of energy in my legs) would default the problem to stress, as the number one cause for my condition. No one understood how the feeling I had was purely physical, and not psychological. I’ve always been an extremely positive person, and I’ve never suffered from depression or lack of self-esteem. My academic life was keeping me really busy, yet I would always handle the pressure and take things a day at a time. In my mind, stress clearly wasn’t a direct cause of my symptoms (and still isn’t to this day).

At the end of my summer (2006), I had lost a total of 20 pounds within 1 year. What prevented me from sleeping once a week, gradually took over my lifestyle. I could no longer enjoy a night out at the theatre with friends, nor could I sit in a car for more than a few hours at a time. As I prepared for my last full-time undergraduate school year, I made sure not to register for classes back-to-back on the same day: I could not handle more than 3 hours of classes at a time. I also made sure that my classes were held in the afternoons or evenings in order to cope with long nights of insomnia. And, I acquired some weights at home, as the pulling sensation had made its way into my arms on a regular basis. As I was going through all these changes, I sincerely thought all this was just a temporary phase that I would eventually grow out of.

DISCOVERY – AT LAST

In the summer of 2007, I had the great opportunity to spend 3 months in Vancouver, B.C., working in the field of documentary television as a full-time summer student. My position as Production Coordinator was tremendously exciting to me: for the first time in my career, I was being paid for a job within my field of study. I packed my bags the week after finishing my BA at Concordia University (in Montreal) and took off to the beautiful West Coast for the very first time. As much fun as it seemed, and as challenging and exciting as the job ended up being, the three months I spent in B.C. brought upon intolerable RLS. It was officially controlling my life. Sitting in front of a computer 8 hours a day for work, 5 days a week, was beyond what I could support physically and mentally. As the clock hit 4pm every afternoon, I would exercise for nearly 6 hours straight, stopping briefly only to have dinner. At night, as soon as I would lie down in my bed, my legs would twitch, the “pulling” sensation would return, and the insomnia would kick in like never before. My legs were bursting with energy, and my head could not keep up. 

During my time in Vancouver, in mid-July, I received a phone call from my mother living in North Carolina, asking me how I was doing. I, again, mentioned to her how annoyed I was with my legs, and how much the condition was unbearable. It had now been 2 years since the beginning of the symptoms, and things had gotten much worst. To my surprise, she had a different response this time around, claiming that she had figured out what it was that caused my legs to want to run a marathon on a daily basis. I felt rather perplexed, as I had no idea what I was going through and, oddly enough, she had seen a television commercial on the subject of RLS that specifically advertised a website. Excited that I had perhaps made a discovery, I quickly typed the web address in my browser and ta-da! There it was in front of my eyes: Restless Legs Syndrome.

I must have read the screen a dozen times, reviewing every single detail. It had never occurred to me that I had a syndrome. Not once. I’m not exactly sure how I felt at that moment in time… a mixture of relief, paranoia, fear, and confusion. I was glad to know I finally had an answer to what was driving me absolutely crazy day and night and that I was not the only one on this planet who was going through this. I was paranoid about the fact that it was a disorder. I was scared of what was awaiting me, as I learned that RLS was chronic. And finally, I was confused about my health: I ran every day; I held a varied, healthy diet, and my energy level was 200%. In fact—perhaps ironically—I had never felt so healthy in my life.

The following weeks were dedicated to research. I joined a forum specifically gathering RLS victims, communicating with other individuals who suffered the same symptoms as myself. Words cannot describe the amount of relief I felt when I finally got into contact with people who understood! I read as much as I could about the syndrome, trying to figure out ways to treat it. The picture was finally getting clearer: RLS affected the nervous system, and in most cases—yet not mine—it was hereditary. The majority of people suffering from RLS had iron-deficiency and renal problems, and the most obvious symptom was the urge to move the legs, particularly at night, causing insomnia as well as leg cramps and twitches. This compulsion to move could also make its way to the arms, and upper torso in some cases.

Realizing that all prescribed medication for the treatment of RLS was not the best way to go about it, due to their significant side effects such as “augmentation” (meaning the RLS may double in intensity) as well as consequences affecting the digestive system, including nausea, I decided to seek a naturopath in the city of Toronto, where I recently moved to continue my graduate studies.

“MAGIC” REMEDIES!

After months of being followed and treated by a professional naturopath on a bi-weekly basis, I’m still in the process of learning how to deal with my RLS although there are times when it’s beyond my control. I’ve doubled my intake of natural supplements, I’ve gained some much needed pounds, and I was introduced to what I like to call my “magic” remedies. One is Zincum Metallicum, a homeopathic remedy that temporarily reduces my RLS symptoms by about 50 – 75 %. Second, melatonin, a supplement to melatonin produced by the pineal gland that helps regulate drowsiness, body temperature, and the daily cycle of the nervous system, and helps me fight insomnia without feeling like a hammered zombie the next morning. For the most part, I cannot say that the condition has worsened since. In fact, in the last 4 weeks, my legs have been at their best since summer 2005. Of course, the syndrome comes and goes, yet I’ve learned to appreciate the less chaotic times like never before. Until last month, I had forgotten what it was really like to be able to enjoy a film at the movie theatre from beginning to end without being disturbed by RLS, having the controllable ability to sit at my desk for more than 2 hours at a time, or simply enjoy an evening at a friend’s place without having to constantly stand up on my feet. Yet, of course, I cannot skip a day without my 2-hour walk, or without cycling and biking.

So—I may not know exactly why I have RLS, and where it comes from exactly, but of course I’m very thankful that it’s not a form of cancerous or deadly disease (although that does not take away the amount of chaos, irritation, and madness that it can bring upon someone’s life!). Despite the ups and the downs, I’m hoping that a cure will eventually emerge to provide relief to the millions of victims of RLS. Meanwhile, let’s continue to strive towards raising awareness not only to avoid having victims being clueless about their condition for years, but also to emphasize the seriousness and reality of this under-rated syndrome.

A graduate from Concordia’s Communication Studies program in Montreal (2007), Estelle Hébert has been involved in documentary media work since her early college years. After producing and editing her very first short doc entitled Behind the Cage, she decided to focus on sound production during her undergrad, allowing her to develop her skills as sound recordist and designer while experimenting with radio documentaries. Her sound recording and mixing work for the short documentary Half Way (2006), a co-production with the NFB, was broadcasted on CBC in August 2006. As well, Hébert’s remarkable work as foley artist and sound designer was revealed in the comedy hit Flamousse! (2006), a short film screened at Toronto’s Student Shorts festival in October 2006, and SPEAKEASY (Montreal International Film Festival 2007). On top of producing her own personal projects, she has had the great opportunity to work alongside Red Letter Films as Production Coordinator.

Constantly striving for new, challenging projects, she is currently pursuing her studies in the all-new Documentary Media masters program at Toronto’s Ryerson University. A dedicated, passionate, and energetic individual, she hopes to develop documentary media-related projects in various countries, particularly within Africa and Latin America.

Meet Estelle at http://www.estellehebert.com.

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