Too Tired For Insomnia, by Brian Segal

Filed under: Regular Contributors, Brian Segal, Themes, Standard Insomniatic Fare, Wheelchairman of the Board

by Brian Segal

It’s difficult to write a short story about insomnia, when most of the time you are too tired to know exactly where to begin. For most people, insomnia is simply not having a good night’s sleep. The notion that chronic insomnia can actually physically change the structure of your brain is difficult to comprehend. The causes of chronic insomnia can be varied. More often than not, the roots of insomnia are of the mental rather than physical kind.

No one can go an indefinite amount of time without having to sleep. It is a physical need of your body. When your circadian clock no longer functions properly sleep is disrupted. For an insomniac, sleep regularity does not exist. The standard eight hours a night becomes a blur. Trying to sleep is like trying to climb a slippery rope. The harder you try to hang on, the more you slip. Sleep deprivation can do wondrous things to your mind. Irritability and irrationality blend together to form a powerful cocktail. I know, believe me.

Friends’ suggestions on how to get a good night’s sleep, while well-meaning, just don’t work. Counting sheep may have worked in Grimm’s Fairy Tales, but in the land of make-believe anything can work. Suggestions such as drinking a glass of warm milk or other good old standbys are, frankly, more annoying than helpful. There are some natural ingredients, such as melatonin (something I have not tried), which supposedly can help you sleep. The old-fashioned sleeping pills work, I guess, but they are addictive and lose their effectiveness over time. The newer medications, called sleep hypnotics, seem to work well, but they also lose their efficacy over time. Even though they’re not supposed to be addictive, one cannot simply stop taking them if you have been using them for longer than a couple of weeks. From personal experience I can say that they do work, but the type of sleep you get is not the same as natural sleep. You lose the feeling of “falling asleep.” It’s hard to describe, but I am sure my fellow insomniacs will understand what I’m talking about.

I have been dealing with insomnia for about two years now and have tried all the rational suggestions presented to me. I suppose my case of insomnia is not as bad as some. I take a fairly minimal amount of medication and, most nights, though my sleep is interrupted I still manage to get enough rest.

There were times when I would dread the nights, knowing that sleep would just not come. At the same time I would feel almost elated when I’d wake up in the morning to see the light shining through the blinds. Because that would mean that I’d managed to sleep through the night.

It can get to the point where not being able to sleep becomes an obsession. Getting into bed and trying to sleep does not work. Things like trying to fix a leaky faucet or trying to do a crossword puzzle have fixed beginnings and ends. For someone with insomnia, going to sleep is far more problematic.

My doctor, who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons, suggested that I try smoking hashish. I was 20 years old in 1970, so smoking marijuana or hash is not something I’m unacquainted with. I’ve been mulling it over, and perhaps I’ll try it again. Neither are addictive and, done in moderation, it may have the desired effect. If it proves successful I will let you know.

Pleasant dreams,

Brian Segal

Brian Segal is living in the country north of Montréal. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis about 16 years ago and, when asked, tells people he is retired (It sounds a lot better than telling people you are on disability insurance). He is happily married, no children, but one very friendly husky cross. He also has the good fortune of living in his own home, not a home.

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