Over a decade ago, freewheelin’ comedian Howie Mandel (howiemandel.com) first spoke about his debilitating obsessive compulsive disorder and ADHD—when he was outed on Howard Stern’s radio show. Now, all these years later, he’s finally opening up and “telling all”…in his candid, courageous, and VERY VERY FUNNY memoir titled Here’s the Deal: Don’t Touch Me.
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—Quoting Sarah Steinberg’s review in the Dec. 2009 issue of Quill & Quire
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A screengrab from Anna Quon’s Twitter page:
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Have a copy of Migration Songs delivered to your doorstep >>
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This year I fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming a published novelist. The whole process of getting my book “Migration Songs” ready for print was a daunting one. My jewel of an editor saw me through the ups and downs, delivering endless pep talks to get me over the hurdles of insecurity. One minute I’d be fine, the next, sunk, but she always knew how to keep me moving from sunk to relieved. I felt like I never depended so much on another person for my mental health.
The novel is published and selling well. After a long lean stretch, I am bringing in some money from a project or two that I’ve been waiting on. And I have the support of my family and friends. But somehow I seem to be struggling with feelings of emptiness and futility.
On the surface, I have nothing to be depressed about. But does depression have to be “about” something?
We have been taught that the propensity for depression can be partly genetic and partly attributable to early life experiences, and it is well-recognized that the condition is not always situation-based. But for a long time I have believed that if I were able to change my thinking, I would be able to avoid depression.
I have consciously attempted to exchange negative thoughts for positive ones, successfully navigating a trip to Russia in 2006 on the basis of encouraging self-talk. It also helped that I was taking my medication as prescribed, as I continue to do today. But the feelings of spiritual loss have not abated.
I know I have been stressed-out lately, from dealing with certain people in my life, and because of money woes. I have also been feeling lost because of not having a clear work schedule. I shouldn’t be surprised… these are familiar feelings, and familiar scenarios. But I suppose I thought publishing my novel might just create a new kind of happiness that would not easily disperse.
Just as depression is not necessarily situation-based, neither is happiness. There may be nothing in the world that can make me happy, and only one person in the world who can—myself. And maybe, there will be times when even I, however much I work on thinking positively, may not be able to pull myself up out of the muck.
I once thought gratitude was the answer, and that if I could be grateful for what I have, the good things in my life, that I would magically be happier. It’s possible that I have forgotten to act on that lesson. But it’s also possible that there is no magic bullet, that there will be times when we just can’t seem to turn our dark moods around.
I’m going to keep trying the things that have worked in the past to increase my happiness, and the things that seem promising. But now that I am older, I am also prepared to live with a certain amount of darkness and pain.
The quest for happiness seemed like a worthwhile one, when I was young. It still seems reasonable to hope for happiness, but perhaps it is not so reasonable to expect feelings of happiness to be the inevitable and lasting conclusion of getting something “right” (whether it be thinking or attitude or being good or living a certain way).
Happiness may well be the by-product of seeing beauty in the world and other people. It may be something which must pass, the way anger and sadness do. It may be that some people have a natural talent for happiness, while others have to work at it. And it may be that our memories of happiness can feed our souls with as much light as actual moments of happiness do.
I have been happy, and have no doubt that I will be again. I also know that the times in between will not kill me, and perhaps most importantly, that they are not a punishment for having done something wrong. I am open to the idea that I can change something in order to be happier but I will refuse to assign blame to myself if I don’t achieve the kind of happiness we all hope for. Happiness, after all, is not a test, but a state of being that I believe we are all born to recognize, enjoy and long for.
My editor probably doesn’t realize she was also a kind of happiness coach for me while I was revising my novel. I got by on her kind and enthusiastic words until the next wave of despair hit. Maybe I can learn to be my own shrink and cheerleader, or maybe I can simply take what comes and deal with it then.
I’ve never liked unhappiness, but maybe I can learn to endure it a little, while waiting for the next batch of happiness to wash up.
Like shells on the beach of my life.
Anna Quon is a Nova Scotia-based writer, and a much-cherished ongoing contributor to Irked Magazine. To purchase her critically-acclaimed debut novel click here.
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The book Cowboy & Wills opens the day after critically-acclaimed author Monica Holloway’s adorable three year-old son Wills is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. She takes him to a pet store; and from her first impulse purchase of a full aquarium, Holloway quickly graduates to hermit crabs, hamsters, African dwarf frogs, and a rabbit. But like all children, what Wills wants most is a puppy. That Christmas, eight-week old Cowboy arrives and forever changes their lives.
Where Wills is cautious, fastidious, and tender hearted, Cowboy is rambunctious, affectionate, and impulsive. Soon, the boy who could barely say hello to his kindergarten classmates is going on playdates, learning to swim, and sleeping in his own bed. Through it all, Cowboy is there, dragging him toward other children and giving him the confidence to face his fears—with her by his side. But love is not enough to save the beautiful Cowboy from her fate, and the cruel world of puppy mills quickly catches up to them. When Cowboy is diagnosed with lupus, Wills and his family realize that they must be there for her, just as she was there for them.
Monica Holloway sat down with Simon Spotlight Entertainment (a division of Simon & Schuster) for a discussion of her life’s path as a mother and memoirist, and the unexpected trajectory this path has taken through her life. Here are the highlights:
According to John Elder Robison’s official Twitter account, the title of his next book is called “Geeks Rule”, and it should be available in the fall of 2010.
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BUY John’s best-selling first book
And visit…
johnrobison.com
robisonservice.com
jerobison.blogspot.com
twitter.com/johnrobison
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Tim Page, author of “Parallel Play: Growing Up with Undiagnosed Asperger’s” and a Pulitzer Prize winning music critic, was online at washingtonpost.com Tuesday, October 27 to take readers’ questions and to discuss the effects of Asperger’s syndrome on his life and coping mechanisms he uses to treat it.
The entire conversation was fascinating (and well worth the read), but in case you’re in a hurry…here are some excerpts from Tim’s responses that leapt off the page:
THE PARALYSIS RESOURCE GUIDE is a FREE 336-page book, a comprehensive information tool for people affected by paralysis and for those who care for them. You may request multiple copies. The book comes in English or Spanish (you may request some of both languages).
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Jeff Bell is a renowned author, speaker, and radio news anchor. His first book, “REWIND, REPLAY, REPEAT: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,” was published in 2007 and quickly established Bell as a leading voice in the mental health community. His story has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today, DETAILS Magazine, and The New York Times, for which he was commissioned to write a feature that ran internationally in 2008. He has appeared on NPR’s Talk of the Nation, on The Infinite Mind programs, and on Good Morning America Radio. In addition to being a National Spokesperson for the International OCD Foundation (found at ocfoundation.org), Bell, whose new book “When in Doubt, Make Belief: An OCD-Inspired Approach to Living with Uncertainty” was recently published, currently co-anchors the afternoon news at KCBS Radio in San Francisco.
Jeff was recently interviewed by Peter Hartlaub, Pop Culture Critic for the San Francisco Chronicle. Here are the highlights:
Quoting Matthew Burrows, writing for straight.com:
“Vancouverites can be forgiven if they believe this is a great city for people with disabilities. After all, quadriplegic former Vancouver mayor Sam Sullivan and paraplegic athlete Rick Hansen are known around the world for their achievements. In addition, Vancouver—the largest city in a province that Premier Gordon Campbell has proclaimed the Best Place on Earth—is hosting the Paralympics in March. Talk to University of Victoria social-policy professor Michael Prince, however, and he’ll tell you he rolls his eyes “a little bit” at the boosterism. [October 22 marked] the launch of his book Absent Citizens: Disability Politics and Policy in Canada
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