alphabet souperintendent

Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids, Irked Videos

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Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids, Irked Videos

I’m a kid with Asperger Syndrome and a lot of other disabilities like Anxiety Disorder, Sensory Integration Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Learning Disabilities, Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities, Severe Allergies and Asthma. I also have Myasthenia Gravis.

Like my mom says, just because I have an alphabet soup of disorders doesn’t mean that I am alphabet soup. I’m a professional kid with Asperger’s and cool ideas.

CAUTION: The following video will make you laugh so hard you’ll fall down.

Laugh so hard you’ll cry.

Laugh so hard you’ll forget to breathe.

Laugh so hard your cheeks will throb.

Laugh so hard your funny bone will sting.

Laugh so hard you’ll get a stomach ache…

…but in the good way.

Lewis will tell you three jokes now:

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Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids, Irked Videos

We’re very proud to present the next edition of Wisecrackin’ with Lewis Schofield—video jokes that will make you laugh so hard, you’ll laugh and a half.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Irked Magazine’s esteemed Alphabet Souperintendent, please allow Lewis to introduce himself:

I’m a kid with Asperger Syndrome and a lot of other disabilities like Anxiety Disorder, Sensory Integration Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Learning Disabilities, Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities, Severe Allergies and Asthma. I also have myasthenia gravis.

 

Like my mom says, just because I have an alphabet soup of disorders doesn’t mean that I am alphabet soup. I’m a professional kid with Asperger’s and cool ideas.

Laughter is a truly extraordinary medicine.

Lewis Schofield tells a mean one-liner.

You’re about to crack up

split your sides

and be in stitches.

So prepare to feel better.

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Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids, Irked Videos

Introducing Wisecrackin’ with Lewis Schofield, video jokes that will make you laugh so hard, you’ll snort orange juice out of your nose…if you’re drinking orange juice, that is. 

Many of you know Lewis, who has been a regular contributor to Irked Magazine since Day One. For those of you who haven’t yet had the pleasure of making his acquaintance, please allow Lewis to introduce himself: Click to continue »

Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids

Lewis Schofield: reporting on the future of Lewiscorp.

For quite some time—since I was 4 years old—I’ve talked about building my own company called Lewiscorp. From time to time, people ask me if Lewiscorp intends to acquire Microsoft at some point in the future. To that question I answer, “No.” Click to continue »

Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids

I have had Asperger’s Syndrome all my life but it was only diagnosed when I was 5 years old. There is no cure for AS because it is not a disease. A very comprehensive study was conducted and the findings were revealed in February 2007 proving that autism is genetic. That means that I was born with AS just like I was born with brown eyes. Click to continue »

Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids

Banished To This Place

An Atypical Writing Exercise by Lewis Schofield, 2007

Whenever a teacher assigns a typical writing exercise such as “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” or “My Hero” I roll my eyes just like the other kids do. Click to continue »

Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids

“no friends”—a poem by Lewis Schofield

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Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids

What Day Is It Today In French?

 by Lewis Schofield

When I started school in Saskatchewan, my mom signed me up for French Immersion kindergarten. She thought I might like it better than English kindergarten. 

Madame came into the classroom every morning and say cheerfully, “Bonjour!” This was our routine. She would say, “Bonjour!” and we would say, “Bonjour, Madame.” This went on for quite some time and it became a habit to see Madame cheerfully announce, “Bonjour!” 

She tried teaching us other words in French, like the days of the week and our colours. We had mat time when she read stories in French and show-and-tell time when people brought things to class to share with everyone else. 

One morning, Madame started her class the way she always started class. “Bonjour,” said Madame and we all answered together. Then she went to the first child to her right and said, “Bonjour. C’est quel jour aujourd’hui?” 

In English that means, “Good morning. What day is it today?”

The boy looked at her and said, “Bonjour, Madame. Aujourd’hui c’est lundi.” Madame smiled and said to the boy next to him, “Bonjour. C’est quel jour aujourd’hui?” Again, this child answered, “Bonjour, Madame. Aujourd’hui c’est lundi.” Madame continued moving from student to student, always asking, “Bonjour. C’est quel jour aujourd’hui?” Each time, the child would answer, “Bonjour, Madame. Aujourd’hui c’est lundi.” 

When she got to me, she asked, “Bonjour, Lewis. C’est quel jour aujourd’hui?” I thought for a minute or two and finally replied in my best English, “Bonjour, Madame. I have absolutely no idea what day it is today.” 

My mom had to come to school that day. People at school weren’t very happy with my answer and I knew I was in trouble again. It was always like that. I would tell the truth and people would get upset. 

My mom asked me to explain to her what had happened because she had heard the teacher’s version already. So I told her about Madame saying good morning to each student and asking what day it was and how every student said good morning to Madame and answered that today was Monday, except in French it was lundi. 

But when she got to me, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. You see, she kept going from student to student asking what day it was. I knew the correct answer was ‘lundi’, But Madame kept asking. so it couldn’t be the answer Madame was looking for after all. Instead of answering incorrectly and instead of answering with ‘lundi’ as every one else had, I told her the truth. I had absolutely no idea what day it was in her world. 

My mom was totally ok with that answer and told Madame that, too. 

I never really did get the hang of French Immersion Kindergarten. I graduated to English Immersion Grade One and I only learned to say one thing in French. I learned to tell people I was an English speaking boy who only listens in French.

P.S. My mom helped me with spelling the French words in this story

Lewis Schofield is Irked Magazine’s Alphabet Souperintendent. He, and his marvelous brain, can be found at http://www.thisislewis.net.

To buy Lewis’ beautiful art cards (with 20% of the proceeds going to autism organizations) CLICK HERE.

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Filed under: Regular Contributors, Lewis Schofield, Themes, Auties & Aspies, QuIrked Kids

“Chromosomes”—a story about being in Grade 3 by Lewis Schofield

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