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Sue Scheff recently interviewed the great Jaylen Arnold for examiner.com. Their conversation was so engaging (and so important) that we are reprinting it here in its entirety.
Enjoy!
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This year I fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming a published novelist. The whole process of getting my book “Migration Songs” ready for print was a daunting one. My jewel of an editor saw me through the ups and downs, delivering endless pep talks to get me over the hurdles of insecurity. One minute I’d be fine, the next, sunk, but she always knew how to keep me moving from sunk to relieved. I felt like I never depended so much on another person for my mental health.
The novel is published and selling well. After a long lean stretch, I am bringing in some money from a project or two that I’ve been waiting on. And I have the support of my family and friends. But somehow I seem to be struggling with feelings of emptiness and futility.
On the surface, I have nothing to be depressed about. But does depression have to be “about” something?
We have been taught that the propensity for depression can be partly genetic and partly attributable to early life experiences, and it is well-recognized that the condition is not always situation-based. But for a long time I have believed that if I were able to change my thinking, I would be able to avoid depression.
I have consciously attempted to exchange negative thoughts for positive ones, successfully navigating a trip to Russia in 2006 on the basis of encouraging self-talk. It also helped that I was taking my medication as prescribed, as I continue to do today. But the feelings of spiritual loss have not abated.
I know I have been stressed-out lately, from dealing with certain people in my life, and because of money woes. I have also been feeling lost because of not having a clear work schedule. I shouldn’t be surprised… these are familiar feelings, and familiar scenarios. But I suppose I thought publishing my novel might just create a new kind of happiness that would not easily disperse.
Just as depression is not necessarily situation-based, neither is happiness. There may be nothing in the world that can make me happy, and only one person in the world who can—myself. And maybe, there will be times when even I, however much I work on thinking positively, may not be able to pull myself up out of the muck.
I once thought gratitude was the answer, and that if I could be grateful for what I have, the good things in my life, that I would magically be happier. It’s possible that I have forgotten to act on that lesson. But it’s also possible that there is no magic bullet, that there will be times when we just can’t seem to turn our dark moods around.
I’m going to keep trying the things that have worked in the past to increase my happiness, and the things that seem promising. But now that I am older, I am also prepared to live with a certain amount of darkness and pain.
The quest for happiness seemed like a worthwhile one, when I was young. It still seems reasonable to hope for happiness, but perhaps it is not so reasonable to expect feelings of happiness to be the inevitable and lasting conclusion of getting something “right” (whether it be thinking or attitude or being good or living a certain way).
Happiness may well be the by-product of seeing beauty in the world and other people. It may be something which must pass, the way anger and sadness do. It may be that some people have a natural talent for happiness, while others have to work at it. And it may be that our memories of happiness can feed our souls with as much light as actual moments of happiness do.
I have been happy, and have no doubt that I will be again. I also know that the times in between will not kill me, and perhaps most importantly, that they are not a punishment for having done something wrong. I am open to the idea that I can change something in order to be happier but I will refuse to assign blame to myself if I don’t achieve the kind of happiness we all hope for. Happiness, after all, is not a test, but a state of being that I believe we are all born to recognize, enjoy and long for.
My editor probably doesn’t realize she was also a kind of happiness coach for me while I was revising my novel. I got by on her kind and enthusiastic words until the next wave of despair hit. Maybe I can learn to be my own shrink and cheerleader, or maybe I can simply take what comes and deal with it then.
I’ve never liked unhappiness, but maybe I can learn to endure it a little, while waiting for the next batch of happiness to wash up.
Like shells on the beach of my life.
Anna Quon is a Nova Scotia-based writer, and a much-cherished ongoing contributor to Irked Magazine. To purchase her critically-acclaimed debut novel click here.
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Here’s an AWESOME YouTube video—a Trent University-produced “vignette” starring the multiple-award-winning Mr. Lewis “Codeboy” Schofield:
The family of an 11-year-old girl with cerebral palsy has accused the Blackpool Transport tram company of abandoning her on a day out after they refused to carry her wheelchair back from the seafront.
Has the whole darn world gone bonkers??
Quoting the always-always-always entertaining Karen Putz, writing on her website deafmomworld.com:
I came across a post this morning, The Shame of Wearing Hearing Aids, and it brought back memories. I was one of those kids who hid a hearing aid under long hair. It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally wore my hair up and my hearing aid perched for all to see. Kinda sad, eh? All those years spent trying to hide something that was basically a part of me—except I didn’t want any part of it.
I decided to raise my kids with a different attitude about their hearing aids. From the start, we went with brightly-colored earmolds with swirls and glitter. I even joined my daughter in getting matching glitter earmolds. I’m pretty sure I saw my audiologist hold back a gulp when I asked for the blue with glitter when she squeezed the earmold goop into my ear.
So far, no one has had the guts to tell me that I look foolish sporting glitter at my age.
Despite my years of preaching about being proud of those two pieces of technology on their ears, my kids had minds of their own … Continue reading this great essay
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Karen Putz is an insightful, talented and entertaining freelance writer. She provides early intervention services to families with deaf and hard of hearing children. She serves as a board member for Hands & Voices (www.handsandvoices.org) and runs Illinois Hands & Voices in her state. She’s also a deaf mom to three deaf and hard of hearing children, and her husband is deaf, too. Learn more at karenputz.com.
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Back in July, we introduced you to a very, very amazing young man named Jaylen Arnold—who has had Tourette’s Syndrome for most of his nine years. Jaylen’s on a mission to educate the whole world about bullying. (And he’s off to a fantastic start: even Leonardo DiCaprio is a fan!)
Watch this phenomenal video segment that aired last night on the CBS Evening News:
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For more, visit…
jaylenschallenge.org
twitter.com/Jayschallenge
youtube.com/user/jaylenschallenge
Then…
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Back in January, it was announced that popular Autism Vox blogger Kristina Chew, PhD would no longer be blogging for Blisstree.com.
Then, two months later, we met Jeff and Jill—Kristina’s replacements.
Which is why we were shocked to read Jeff’s goodbye note posted yesterday.
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Disabled advocate Gilbert Smith, a former police officer, works to spread awareness and equality for the disabled. The disAbility Resources Center recently presented him with a lifetime achievement Award. (Photo by Tyrone Walker)
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Even sitting in a wheelchair, his hands not fully functional, there’s a physical presence about Gilbert Smith, the former police officer who was shot on duty and left paralyzed from the waist down.
Maybe it’s left over from his rough-and-tumble days as a bouncer in his dad’s bar. Or maybe it’s just the force of his spirit.
“He’s left his stamp on a little bit of everything here,” Gwen Gillenwater, executive director of the disAbility Resource Center, said last week when presenting him with a Lifetime Achievement Award for making Charleston more accessible to the handicapped. “He’s one of the real giants in our community.”
Smith will be 63 in December. He was paralyzed Dec. 12, 1970, nearly 40 years ago.
“I’ve outlived the statistics,” he said.
Before he became a police officer, Smith worked as a bartender and bouncer at his dad’s nightclub. It was called the Coconut Grove on Pittsburgh Avenue in North Charleston. Smith also collected loans for his dad.
“I was big and strong back then,” he said.
His dad died in a tractor accident when Smith was 20. He went to work for the Charleston Naval Shipyard before joining the police department.
He took a test in the morning and was given his badge, gun and handcuffs that evening. He spent the first two weeks riding around with an older officer, who was also shot on duty but survived without any permanent damage, and then was sent out on his own.
Fewer than four months on the job, Smith got a call that a man was passed out in the middle of the road in rural Charleston County. Smith loaded him in the back of the patrol car to take him to the jail. He didn’t handcuff him because the man didn’t have a right hand.
Smith would learn later that the man lost his hand in a shootout. He previously had served time for robbing a bank.
The man woke up in the back of the car, grabbed Smith’s gun, shot him in the back and pushed him out of the car. The man later said he saw the devil.
Smith would never walk again.
As a result of the incident, the department installed cages in all the patrol vehicles and instituted a training program … Continue reading this article
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Ray Dobson and the dog he now calls Goblin both had a problem.
The little mixed-breed who was rescued from the streets of Puerto Rico needed a home. Dobson, of Orleans, Mass., was losing his hearing.
“My wife saw me kind of dropping out,” he says. “As people get deafer they get more anti-social.”
Both problems were solved when man and dog were brought together Click to continue »
