“On the street I saw a small girl cold and shivering in a thin dress, with little hope of a decent meal. I became angry and said to God; ‘Why did you permit this? Why don’t you do something about it?’ For a while God said nothing. That night he replied, quite suddenly: ‘I certainly did something about it. I made you.’”
“The Physically Handicapped Actors and Musical Artists League (PHAMALY.org) is a theatre group and touring company that performs throughout the greater Denver area. PHAMALY was formed in 1989 when a group of former students of the Boettcher School in Denver, Colorado, grew frustrated with the lack of theatrical opportunities for people living with disabilities, and decided to create a theatre company that would provide individuals with disabilities the opportunity to perform. As a not-for-profit membership organization, PHAMALY is dedicated to producing traditional theatre in nontraditional ways.”
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Quoting a Nov. 22 blurb written by John Moore, the Denver Post’s Theater Critic:
The cast of the handicapped theater company PHAMALY was surprised by the attendance last week of big-time comedian Josh Blue at a performance of their “Vox Phamalia: Re-Dux,” a night of collaborative comedy sketches about living with disabilities. Blue, who has cerebral palsy, was a winner of NBC’s “Last Comic Standing.”
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This year I fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming a published novelist. The whole process of getting my book “Migration Songs” ready for print was a daunting one. My jewel of an editor saw me through the ups and downs, delivering endless pep talks to get me over the hurdles of insecurity. One minute I’d be fine, the next, sunk, but she always knew how to keep me moving from sunk to relieved. I felt like I never depended so much on another person for my mental health.
The novel is published and selling well. After a long lean stretch, I am bringing in some money from a project or two that I’ve been waiting on. And I have the support of my family and friends. But somehow I seem to be struggling with feelings of emptiness and futility.
On the surface, I have nothing to be depressed about. But does depression have to be “about” something?
We have been taught that the propensity for depression can be partly genetic and partly attributable to early life experiences, and it is well-recognized that the condition is not always situation-based. But for a long time I have believed that if I were able to change my thinking, I would be able to avoid depression.
I have consciously attempted to exchange negative thoughts for positive ones, successfully navigating a trip to Russia in 2006 on the basis of encouraging self-talk. It also helped that I was taking my medication as prescribed, as I continue to do today. But the feelings of spiritual loss have not abated.
I know I have been stressed-out lately, from dealing with certain people in my life, and because of money woes. I have also been feeling lost because of not having a clear work schedule. I shouldn’t be surprised… these are familiar feelings, and familiar scenarios. But I suppose I thought publishing my novel might just create a new kind of happiness that would not easily disperse.
Just as depression is not necessarily situation-based, neither is happiness. There may be nothing in the world that can make me happy, and only one person in the world who can—myself. And maybe, there will be times when even I, however much I work on thinking positively, may not be able to pull myself up out of the muck.
I once thought gratitude was the answer, and that if I could be grateful for what I have, the good things in my life, that I would magically be happier. It’s possible that I have forgotten to act on that lesson. But it’s also possible that there is no magic bullet, that there will be times when we just can’t seem to turn our dark moods around.
I’m going to keep trying the things that have worked in the past to increase my happiness, and the things that seem promising. But now that I am older, I am also prepared to live with a certain amount of darkness and pain.
The quest for happiness seemed like a worthwhile one, when I was young. It still seems reasonable to hope for happiness, but perhaps it is not so reasonable to expect feelings of happiness to be the inevitable and lasting conclusion of getting something “right” (whether it be thinking or attitude or being good or living a certain way).
Happiness may well be the by-product of seeing beauty in the world and other people. It may be something which must pass, the way anger and sadness do. It may be that some people have a natural talent for happiness, while others have to work at it. And it may be that our memories of happiness can feed our souls with as much light as actual moments of happiness do.
I have been happy, and have no doubt that I will be again. I also know that the times in between will not kill me, and perhaps most importantly, that they are not a punishment for having done something wrong. I am open to the idea that I can change something in order to be happier but I will refuse to assign blame to myself if I don’t achieve the kind of happiness we all hope for. Happiness, after all, is not a test, but a state of being that I believe we are all born to recognize, enjoy and long for.
My editor probably doesn’t realize she was also a kind of happiness coach for me while I was revising my novel. I got by on her kind and enthusiastic words until the next wave of despair hit. Maybe I can learn to be my own shrink and cheerleader, or maybe I can simply take what comes and deal with it then.
I’ve never liked unhappiness, but maybe I can learn to endure it a little, while waiting for the next batch of happiness to wash up.
Like shells on the beach of my life.
Anna Quon is a Nova Scotia-based writer, and a much-cherished ongoing contributor to Irked Magazine. To purchase her critically-acclaimed debut novel click here.
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Here now is a truly, truly beautiful essay—titled “My wheelchair makes me invisible.”
It was written by Toronto’s Jennifer Wilding (who temporarily needs a wheelchair to get around), and originally published in the Globe and Mail and on theglobeandmail.com:
Quoting the always-always-always entertaining Karen Putz, writing on her website deafmomworld.com:
I came across a post this morning, The Shame of Wearing Hearing Aids, and it brought back memories. I was one of those kids who hid a hearing aid under long hair. It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally wore my hair up and my hearing aid perched for all to see. Kinda sad, eh? All those years spent trying to hide something that was basically a part of me—except I didn’t want any part of it.
I decided to raise my kids with a different attitude about their hearing aids. From the start, we went with brightly-colored earmolds with swirls and glitter. I even joined my daughter in getting matching glitter earmolds. I’m pretty sure I saw my audiologist hold back a gulp when I asked for the blue with glitter when she squeezed the earmold goop into my ear.
So far, no one has had the guts to tell me that I look foolish sporting glitter at my age.
Despite my years of preaching about being proud of those two pieces of technology on their ears, my kids had minds of their own … Continue reading this great essay
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Karen Putz is an insightful, talented and entertaining freelance writer. She provides early intervention services to families with deaf and hard of hearing children. She serves as a board member for Hands & Voices (www.handsandvoices.org) and runs Illinois Hands & Voices in her state. She’s also a deaf mom to three deaf and hard of hearing children, and her husband is deaf, too. Learn more at karenputz.com.
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Warren Macdonald knows a LOT about motivation. He famously (see appearances on Oprah, Larry King Live, Vicki Gabereau, The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos, etc) survived a harrowing, agonizing ordeal while mountain climbing, when he was trapped beneath a one-ton boulder in a freak rock fall. Macdonald’s test of will lasted two full days before a helicopter arrived. He was rescued, but the accident cost him both legs.
Ten months after becoming a double above-knee amputee, Macdonald, who currently lives in Vancouver and travels worldwide as a professional speaker, climbed Tasmania’s Cradle Mountain “using a modified wheelchair and the seat of his pants.”
A year later, he traveled through some of the most inhospitable terrain in Australia and climbed Federation Peak.
In winter ‘03, he became the first double above-knee amputee to reach the summit of Africa’s tallest peak, Mt Kilimanjaro (19,222ft).
And more recently, in a mind-bogglingly punishing climb that required more than 2800 pull-ups over 4 days, he made an ascent of America’s tallest cliff face, El Capitan.
He is also the only known above knee amputee to make an ascent of Canada’s landmark frozen waterfall, the 600 ft “Weeping Wall“ in Alberta.
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For more, visit…
warren-macdonald.com
twitter.com/warrenmacdonald
youtube.com/warrenmacdonald
facebook.com/warrenmacdonaldunlimited
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When Rob Buren broke his back mountain biking last October, he lost more than the use of his legs—he lost the physical confidence his 6-foot-2 frame had always given him.
And though the 38-year-old father of two quickly learned sporting activities such as hand cycling and sit skiing, it wasn’t until he took a new self-defence class for wheelchair-users that he began to feel at ease with his new paralyzed status.
“When you become a paraplegic and are in a chair, physically your world changes. You’re looking up all of a sudden,” he says. “(The class) was a great way for me to get to know my body again, to get comfortable in the chair and to build up a sense of confidence.”
The course, taught at Neuro Core Physiotherapy & Pilates Centre in Richmond Hill, [Ontario] was developed by Grant Murray, a taekwondo black belt, and Rich VanderWal, a recreation therapist at a rehab facility.
Each class begins with … Continue reading this article and watch a corresponding video on thestar.com
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The Rendezvous with Madness Film Festival, happening as we speak in Toronto, explores cinematic representations of mental health and addiction. Film and video programs are followed by post-screening panel discussions with people who receive mental health and addiction services, as well as writers, directors, actors, health care professionals and academics.
