Karen Stuebing

The song Wild Wind, by Robert Earl Keen, always reminds me of my home town. It could have been written about it. 

I pulled in to gas up and this car got pulled over. 

My first impulse was to be real low profile and get the hell out there as fast as I could. 

But no. That was the old me. 

The new me took out my camera and fired off a couple quick shots. 

Ok, it’s not that good. Lots of blown out areas. But you get the idea.

I think every muscle in my body is sore. And the amazing thing is I used to hike and work out, and am not out of shape.

But to go from months of couch potato mode, to two weeks of the Withdrawal From Hell, to a mere week of recovery has wiped me out.

So this bouquet of wildflowers is to remind me why I’m pushing myself and why I stay here where my whole life fell apart. From spring onward the fields and hillsides are covered with wildflowers.

It feeds my soul.

Here is a car I passed on my walk to the PO. There were actually three tires slashed. It is in the process of having them replaced.

Well, no one calls the police so no one goes to jail. I guess that’s a plus.

It’s not too great when you’re on the receiving end, but it does have the effect of ensuring that whatever transgression occurred usually doesn’t happen again.

I set off to find it for about the 10th time yesterday.

I climbed the hill where I thought it would be and sure enough there it was.

Success!!

However, it was a long and arduous hike and I was pretty tired out.

I skirted the edge of the farm and managed to escape unnoticed. So no irate farmer greeted me.

The most ironic part is that I didn’t feel up to hiking down to the Bluestone River and thought this would be an easier hike. It was about 5 times as hard.

But it’s good to stay tired and not think. Thinking leads to memories and memories lead to recriminations and recriminations lead to what’s the use anyway?

I was warned repeatedly by other addicts about post-withdrawal depression. It is the most dangerous time for relapse because who wants to live their life in a black hole?

Forewarned is forearmed.

And even the deadest wood provides a medium for growth.

It had this sticker on it.

I went to the website and the closest facility is in Richmond. And it costs some money too. Don’t see how that helps the local folks but it’s interesting they targeted this area.

The procedure sounds awful even though they try to put a positive spin on it.

They sedate you on huge doses of valium and then introduce drugs like Ultram and Narcan to flush the narcotics out sending you into immediate withdrawal.

It’s done over a period of days. There used to be a method where it was done in a 24-hour period but people died so they’ve extended the timeframe to make it safer.

So you basically go through a quick cold turkey withdrawal but are so out of it from the valium you’re barely conscious and have benzodiazepine amnesia afterward.

Personally, I wonder about how much valium they give you. I know I took ten 1 mg Xanax one night trying to knock myself out and didn’t feel a thing. That’s equivalent to 200 mgs of valium. All it did was affect my balance and make me fall over a lot.

I don’t know that I’d choose that route even if it was available.

I suppose it’s for that middle class working junkie who has some disposable income and vacation leave. Do you know him? I don’t.

First I had to find it. That was the real challenge.

I’m glad I took my cell phone.

I never really understood the directions. Just that it was near the train tracks and next to the Hillbilly Paintball store.

Like I’m into paintball and know exactly where that is.  

It turned out to be on an offshoot of the main street, in a warehouse district of old falling down buildings.

Hidden from public view and damn hard to find. Or even find out about.

Note the absence of any people. No one to offend.

The company’s main building, of which this is an annex, is as large as the hospital and right next to it. They have centers in many cities and several states.

This facility is identified only by the street number and “SA Treatment” stenciled on the door. Can’t possibly spell it out even though no one will ever see it.

The new stucco exterior doesn’t prevent the old building from leaking so that all the new drywall is rotting and covered with mildew.

But what am I complaining about?

The program is staffed by competent practitioners, well thought out and comprehensive.

My intake took over two hours. Of intensive questioning. Which was a little redundant. I suppose to make sure you’re being honest.

I was very honest.

They come up with a diagnosis and treatment plan on your first visit.

My primary diagnosis was Substance Abuse Disorder. No surprise there.  

Secondary was Anxiety Disorder.

I will also see a psychiatrist in case medication is needed, attend a women’s group, and receive one-on-one counseling. 

And it’s on a sliding scale based on income, which in my case means I pay nothing.

So why hide it, Mercer County? It’s not like no one knows about the ever-growing addiction problem.