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Sue Scheff recently interviewed the great Jaylen Arnold for examiner.com. Their conversation was so engaging (and so important) that we are reprinting it here in its entirety.
Enjoy!
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This year I fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming a published novelist. The whole process of getting my book “Migration Songs” ready for print was a daunting one. My jewel of an editor saw me through the ups and downs, delivering endless pep talks to get me over the hurdles of insecurity. One minute I’d be fine, the next, sunk, but she always knew how to keep me moving from sunk to relieved. I felt like I never depended so much on another person for my mental health.
The novel is published and selling well. After a long lean stretch, I am bringing in some money from a project or two that I’ve been waiting on. And I have the support of my family and friends. But somehow I seem to be struggling with feelings of emptiness and futility.
On the surface, I have nothing to be depressed about. But does depression have to be “about” something?
We have been taught that the propensity for depression can be partly genetic and partly attributable to early life experiences, and it is well-recognized that the condition is not always situation-based. But for a long time I have believed that if I were able to change my thinking, I would be able to avoid depression.
I have consciously attempted to exchange negative thoughts for positive ones, successfully navigating a trip to Russia in 2006 on the basis of encouraging self-talk. It also helped that I was taking my medication as prescribed, as I continue to do today. But the feelings of spiritual loss have not abated.
I know I have been stressed-out lately, from dealing with certain people in my life, and because of money woes. I have also been feeling lost because of not having a clear work schedule. I shouldn’t be surprised… these are familiar feelings, and familiar scenarios. But I suppose I thought publishing my novel might just create a new kind of happiness that would not easily disperse.
Just as depression is not necessarily situation-based, neither is happiness. There may be nothing in the world that can make me happy, and only one person in the world who can—myself. And maybe, there will be times when even I, however much I work on thinking positively, may not be able to pull myself up out of the muck.
I once thought gratitude was the answer, and that if I could be grateful for what I have, the good things in my life, that I would magically be happier. It’s possible that I have forgotten to act on that lesson. But it’s also possible that there is no magic bullet, that there will be times when we just can’t seem to turn our dark moods around.
I’m going to keep trying the things that have worked in the past to increase my happiness, and the things that seem promising. But now that I am older, I am also prepared to live with a certain amount of darkness and pain.
The quest for happiness seemed like a worthwhile one, when I was young. It still seems reasonable to hope for happiness, but perhaps it is not so reasonable to expect feelings of happiness to be the inevitable and lasting conclusion of getting something “right” (whether it be thinking or attitude or being good or living a certain way).
Happiness may well be the by-product of seeing beauty in the world and other people. It may be something which must pass, the way anger and sadness do. It may be that some people have a natural talent for happiness, while others have to work at it. And it may be that our memories of happiness can feed our souls with as much light as actual moments of happiness do.
I have been happy, and have no doubt that I will be again. I also know that the times in between will not kill me, and perhaps most importantly, that they are not a punishment for having done something wrong. I am open to the idea that I can change something in order to be happier but I will refuse to assign blame to myself if I don’t achieve the kind of happiness we all hope for. Happiness, after all, is not a test, but a state of being that I believe we are all born to recognize, enjoy and long for.
My editor probably doesn’t realize she was also a kind of happiness coach for me while I was revising my novel. I got by on her kind and enthusiastic words until the next wave of despair hit. Maybe I can learn to be my own shrink and cheerleader, or maybe I can simply take what comes and deal with it then.
I’ve never liked unhappiness, but maybe I can learn to endure it a little, while waiting for the next batch of happiness to wash up.
Like shells on the beach of my life.
Anna Quon is a Nova Scotia-based writer, and a much-cherished ongoing contributor to Irked Magazine. To purchase her critically-acclaimed debut novel click here.
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Here now is a truly, truly beautiful essay—titled “My wheelchair makes me invisible.”
It was written by Toronto’s Jennifer Wilding (who temporarily needs a wheelchair to get around), and originally published in the Globe and Mail and on theglobeandmail.com:
The family of an 11-year-old girl with cerebral palsy has accused the Blackpool Transport tram company of abandoning her on a day out after they refused to carry her wheelchair back from the seafront.
Has the whole darn world gone bonkers??
Quoting the always-always-always entertaining Karen Putz, writing on her website deafmomworld.com:
I came across a post this morning, The Shame of Wearing Hearing Aids, and it brought back memories. I was one of those kids who hid a hearing aid under long hair. It wasn’t until I was in college that I finally wore my hair up and my hearing aid perched for all to see. Kinda sad, eh? All those years spent trying to hide something that was basically a part of me—except I didn’t want any part of it.
I decided to raise my kids with a different attitude about their hearing aids. From the start, we went with brightly-colored earmolds with swirls and glitter. I even joined my daughter in getting matching glitter earmolds. I’m pretty sure I saw my audiologist hold back a gulp when I asked for the blue with glitter when she squeezed the earmold goop into my ear.
So far, no one has had the guts to tell me that I look foolish sporting glitter at my age.
Despite my years of preaching about being proud of those two pieces of technology on their ears, my kids had minds of their own … Continue reading this great essay
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Karen Putz is an insightful, talented and entertaining freelance writer. She provides early intervention services to families with deaf and hard of hearing children. She serves as a board member for Hands & Voices (www.handsandvoices.org) and runs Illinois Hands & Voices in her state. She’s also a deaf mom to three deaf and hard of hearing children, and her husband is deaf, too. Learn more at karenputz.com.
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A 47-year-old wheelchair-bound mother who had a stroke 18 months ago has been forced to do her banking on the street after staff at her local NatWest branch refused to lift her up two steps “for health and safety reasons.”
Is this the 21st century??
Back in July, we introduced you to a very, very amazing young man named Jaylen Arnold—who has had Tourette’s Syndrome for most of his nine years. Jaylen’s on a mission to educate the whole world about bullying. (And he’s off to a fantastic start: even Leonardo DiCaprio is a fan!)
Watch this phenomenal video segment that aired last night on the CBS Evening News:
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For more, visit…
jaylenschallenge.org
twitter.com/Jayschallenge
youtube.com/user/jaylenschallenge
Then…
Read Irked posts tagged “bullying”
Read Irked posts tagged “self-esteem”
Watch more Irked videos
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If you’re the parent of a daughter between the ages of 8 and 12, chances are you’ve heard of a wonderful and empowering magazine called “New Moon Girls” (and its sister website newmoon.com, where girls can ask questions and share experiences with their peers in a safe, adult-monitored environment). The magazine, a “champion of girl-centered media” that features writing and art by and for “tweenagers,” is in its 16th year of continuous publication—a HUGE accomplishment in the world of grassroots publishing.
That’s why we were SHOCKED (and very saddened) to read this recent announcement on LunaNewMoon’s Twitter account:
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Then, practically simultaneously, we received this email from our good friend Julia Barry:
Ladyhawke—aka Pip Brown (whose debut album “Ladyhawke,” produced by Modular Recordings, is out now)—sat down with pedestrian.tv recently and opened up about many things, including her Asperger’s, allergies, anxiety, awkwardness, adrenaline, audiences, and…erysipeloid.
Here are the highlights:
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“I have this thing called Asperger’s syndrome. When I found out, it explained my whole childhood. I told my mum and she said: ‘That’s why you used to sit on the floor doing puzzles for hours.’ It was the reason I was so solitary. I’d say completely inappropriate things. The other kids thought I was a weirdo.”
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“I’m allergic to everything. I was lactose intolerant from the minute I was born; I couldn’t be breast-fed. On planes, if I order a non-dairy meal, they always give you a vegan eggplant thing – and I’m allergic to aubergine. When I was 10, I got this weird random disease [erysipeloid] that no-one had seen in New Zealand for 20 years. It’s common in seagulls, but is rarely transmitted to humans. Somewhere in New Zealand there’s a photo of my face in a medical journal. It crept up to my brain. They caught it hours before I was about to slip into a coma. So they put me on penicillin and I had an allergic reaction to that! I nearly died.”
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“I wish I didn’t have such bad anxiety and wasn’t so shy. I’ve always been a nervous person, very awkward. I can’t walk without looking awkward – it’s my middle name. I find live performances hard. I can’t look anyone in the eye. I’m so conscious of everyone staring at me. I start to think I’m terrible or I’m singing out of tune. I sometimes get sickly-nervous before I play. I throw up and start shaking and sweating. The second I get on stage it disappears and the adrenaline kicks in. But I try not to look at anyone in the audience or it will freak me out.”
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Then…
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Six years ago, Crystal Renn was an unknown size-0 model who moved to New York from Clinton, Mississippi, to make it big. She struggled with her weight for years, however, and finally made the bold decision to switch to plus-size modeling. Now a healthy 165 pounds, she is the highest-paid plus-size model in the world, having graced the covers of American Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar and appeared in Dolce & Gabbana ads. The 23-year-old recently talked with TIME Magazine about her new book Hungry, her size-0 modeling days and walking the runway for Jean Paul Gaultier. Here are the highlights:
